


I love you

by Robronfan94



Category: Ballum, EastEnders
Genre: Angst, I Love You, M/M, Tired Callum, Upset Ben, dinner gone wrong, upset callum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21733549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robronfan94/pseuds/Robronfan94
Summary: Callum’s stressed out. He’s been stressed ever since he’s decided to work with end of life. Ben just wants to make Callum better but the dinner he’s making isn’t exactly making things easy for him.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	1. Dinner gone wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> Another ballum story. I do quite like writing ballum. This story is set instead of Callum joining the police he works with end of life. You guys make me want to write more X

“Argh!” Ben screamed. He snatched his hand away from the gas and ran it under the cold water wincing at how much it stung and how much it killed. Closing the tap and getting a plaster out of the first aid kit Ben continued to look at the recipe book.

The book may as well have been in french for all the good it did him. He didn’t understand half of the instructions. A huge part of him wanted to just give up and get a takeaway instead but he promised Callum that when he came home there would be a home made dinner waiting for him.

Callum was stressed out. He had been stressed out ever since he decided to work with end of life. The decision came up Callum had gone to a care home to support a woman who couldn’t go to her own sons funeral as she was extremely ill and was nearing towards the end.

Callum had sat with her holding her hand and praying with her. He listened to her stories from when the 2 wars. He sat with her when she took her last breath and drifted away. Callum gently closed her eyes and alerted the care home.

Ever since then Callum wanted to work with end of life. He still worked at the funeral parlour, the end of life was just in his spare time. Callum loved doing this but it was physically and mentally draining, when you got close to someone and they left.

There were days when he would message Ben saying “tired.” And Ben would make him a cup of tea, get the duvet out and just sit with him while he collected his thoughts.

Callum was so good for this world. Ben always thought. He’d give his time for random people but also his family.

That was why Ben had decided to make Callum dinner. When he phoned Callum earlier Callum had told him that the man he was with was in the army himself, he had trained Callum’s captain up and even Callum himself.

Ben knew that today would be one of those days where this death would hit Callum really hard and he hated it. He just wanted to take Callum’s pain away.

Ben was making Callum’s favourite dinner: Chicken steak and chips with mash and vegetables. Well trying to.

He manages the vegetables fine but the mash was doing his head in. It was either to lumpy or to hard. Ben looked at the clock 17:30. Callum would be home soon.

Ben took the steak out of the oven as he was carefully putting the tray on the kitchen counter his phone rang.

In a state of shock Ben jumped the oven tray dropped to the floor landing on Ben’s foot, chicken all over the floor. While getting up Ben knocked the frying pan and hot oil landed on his arm. He screamed in pain.

Switching the fryer off Ben ran his hand under cold water he checked to see who had messaged him. Lola “Dinner gone well or have you messed it up??🤣“

Ben threw his phone sending it flying across the room landing on the floor with a crash. Probably broken.

He blinked furiously to try and stop the tears from falling. He wouldn’t normally be bothered by something like this but he was doing it for Callum. Callum had needed him and he let him down.

Abandoning the kitchen and everything in it Ben got his jacked and walked out slamming the door shut. He didn’t know where he was going but he had to just go.

Callum came home half an hour later. He didn’t mean to be late. But the man he was helping had meant a lot to Callum. Once he had passed the care home staff sat with Callum and tried to console him. It didn’t work.

He was even more upset when he found out that the man had left everything to Callum. Callum knew that the mans wife and son died ages ago and Callum was the first person to see him in ages.

It wasn’t much. In fact it was hardly anything. £400 and some medals but Callum felt he didn’t deserve them he was only doing what anyone did.

He kept the medals safe but donated the money to the care home.

“Ben?” Callum yelled out. Stepping into his flat and taking his coat off Callum looked at the sight before him.

The kitchen was a mess. There was food on the floor, dishes in the sink, the fryer was still on and the fridge was left open.

“Ben!” Callum shouted again. Something awful most have happened in order for the kitchen to be like this.

Callum tried phoning Ben but no answer. He could hear Ben’s ring tone. He found Ben’s phone on the floor. It was definitely smashed.

Callum saw the text from Lola and suddenly everything made sense. Ben had tried to cook him dinner but clearly it didn’t go right.

He couldn’t even think of the state Ben would be in. When things didn’t go right for Ben he would always get angry. He would take his anger out on some poor soul or have a drinking session.

Looking at the mess Callum began to clean it up. He would have left it and gone to find Ben but judging by the state of the kitchen and Ben’s phone even if he did find Ben he wouldn’t be in the mood for a talk.

“What the hell do you think your doing Callum?!” Ben had finally calmed down. He had got straight into his car and just drove around for a while. He went out of the country to a place Paul showed him. You could scream and shout and no one would here and that’s what he did.

He decided to go home and try and salvage the ruined dinner if he could. What he didn’t expect to see was Callum on his hands and knees picking up Ben’s mess literally. He could see how exhausted Callum was and yet he was still cleaning.

“I’m cleaning up Ben. What does it look like?” Callum said. Ben could tell how tired he was his voice didn’t carry “that no nonsense tone” and was really soft.

“Why though? This ain’t your mess! Why the hell are you cleaning it up for Callum?” Ben couldn’t stop the Way he voice sounded. He was mad at himself for ruing the dinner but seeing Callum doing something he shouldn’t do made Ben even more angry at himself.

“Because Ben there’s mess everywhere and I just want it clean so I can go to bed ok?” Callum said.

Ben had enough he knelt down next to Callum and moved his hands. He didn’t mean to be so rough.

“What the hell did you do that for Ben? That bloody hurt! For gods sake! I’m trying to clean up! I’ve had a hard day today. All I want is to clean up and go to bed!”

There was no way Ben was gonna let Callum speak to him like that.

“It’s not your job Callum! I made this mess so I’m gonna clean it up! I tried to do something nice for you and it went to pot! You just need to sit down and relax. No body’s gonna die if the mess is left till tomorrow! God Callum! Why do you have to be so nice all the time? I’m sick of it!” Ben shouted back at him instantly regretting what he said. 

He looked at Callum who’s face had all the colour drained from it “Cal? I’m sorry I didn’t mean it....” Ben didn’t even get to finish, Callum ran to their bedroom and locked the door.

Ben picked all the mess up and washed all the dishes. He slammed his hand down on the counter wincing at the pain he felt.

This is why he didn’t do good things. People got hurt but this was Callum. His Callum who loved him more than anything. The Callum that put up with all his rubbish.

After taking a moment of self pity Ben went to go and find Callum. 

Ben saw that Callum had fallen asleep. Ben placed the glass of water and sandwich on the bedside table before getting his pillow.

He sat down on the bed next to his lover and ran his fingers through Callum’s dark black locks. “I’m so sorry cal. I didn’t mean it at all. You know me mouth engages before brain. Sweet dreams. I love you.” 

Ben placed a kiss to Callum’s forehead before getting his things and shutting the door ready for a night on the sofa.

What Ben didn’t know was that Callum woke up when he came in and had heard what he said...


	2. The morning after the night before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Smugdendingle X 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support it means the world

Ben felt like he was walking on Eggshells. He probably was and he probably deserved it.

He had spent the night on the sofa but was constantly checking on Callum.

The man he loved in a deep sleep and never woke up. Ben got into bed with him a 03:00 in the morning and just stared at Callum.

He had no idea how to fix this.

”Fancy a cuppa?” Ben asked Callum when he came in the room.

”No I’ve had one.” Callum looked exhausted. Ben did that it was all his fault.

Ben sat next to Callum thinking about what to say next. This was one of the worst things he had done.

”I’m gonna quit.” “Quit what?” “Palliative care. It’s causing problems with us and it my boyfriend snaps at me when I’ve had a hard day and need him then I’d rather be at the parlour that’s not so draining.”

”You can’t! Callum you love that job. Look yesterday...”

”Oh yes! Yesterday when you said that no one would die if the mess would be left knowing where I had come home from. Or how you hated that I was nice? Or you were sick of me? Is that what you mean?” Callum sneered.

Ben knew he had riled Callum up so he didn’t speak.

”You know if this was such a problem you could have said! The woman the other day asked me if I had someone at home to support me and I told her about you. You should have seen her face. “He seems like a good one. He clearly loves you.” She said. The worst part is I thought you would support me you promised me you would.”

Ben took hold of Callum’s hand but Callum snatched it away.

”Ever since I was little I’ve always known I don’t want to be like John or Stuart. I’ve wanted to be nice and have people talk about me in a good way. My mum always told me I was nice and that people would use me and walk all over me, I never in the time we’ve got together thought you’d be the same...”

”Callum! No I ain’t! I’m sorry!” Ben tried to grab Callum’s arm but he was to late.

Callum was already out of the door.

Ben threw the plate against the door letting it smash and fall to the floor.

He really had messed this up.

*************************************  
Callum was stood outside the door. He straightened his jacket. He didn’t know why he was here but he needed someone.

Anyone.

He knocked on the door and it opened.

”Come in.” Callum walked into the house the door shutting behind him with a slam.

”Hello Baby.”

”Hello Mum.”

*************************************  
Ben sat in the Arches racking his brain as to where Callum could be.

He had messaged him and phoned him but Callum didn’t answer.

He had messaged Stuart and no surprise he had no answer.

He just hoped that wherever Callum was he was safe or at least with the care home.

Ben knew he needed to change his behaviour or he would lose Callum for good.

*************************************  
”Tea? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Drink?”

”Tea please mum. No sugar.”

”Sit down I’ll get it.”

Callum sat down in the chair his eyes scanning his mums living room.

He had never been here at all. He felt weird.

He didn’t even know why he was here, his feet brought him here.

It had been 24 years since he had seen his mum. 

Callum had her address but had always said that when he would go see his mum he would take Ben and Stuart but now he was glad he didn’t.

”Here you go baby.” “Thanks mum.”

Faith his mum had sat in the seat across him.

”How have you been?” “Good I suppose. I don’t even know why I’m here. I suppose I needed you even though you abandoned me.”

Faith signed before taking hold of Callum’s hands “Callum. That was the worst day of my life. You have to believe me. I tried to take you but Stuart and your dad wouldn’t let me.”

”Why didn’t you fight them? You were my mum. You had a right. You should have gone to Social Services they would have let you or didn’t you want me?”

”Callum no!” Faith got up and wrapped her arms around her son.

”I swear to you. I tried. Your dad said I wasn’t allowed. Can’t blame him I had a drug problem.”

”Dad had a drink problem didn’t stop him beating me.” Callum stated bluntly.

“But you’re happy now right Callum? With Whitney? Callum?” 

”Mum....”

*************************************  
”You seen Callum?”

Ben asked Whitney in the pub.

”No. Look Ben he told me what happened.”

”Of course he did. Go on get your dig out the way.”

”Shut up Ben! You’ve hurt to not just Callum. Look he wanted to clean up so he could have a early night. Can you blame him?”

”Well.” “I know you don’t hate him being nice you hate the impact it has on your relationship talk to him.”

*************************************  
”You’re gay?”

”Yeah.” Callum whispered looking at his mum trying to make out what she was feeling. He had told her.

”Whats his name?” “Ben.” A small smile appeared on Callum’s face.

”So why are you so down? What’s happened? Me and you both know that you wouldn’t be here if everything was fine. So what happened?”

Callum looked at his mum. Did she have a right to know? Did she deserve to know? 

”I’ve started doing palliative care. I love it it’s amazing and makes me feel good about myself. It’s just draining...” Callum trailed off.

Why was he telling his mum? He had to tell Ben!

They both loved each other.

”I’m sorry mum I need to go. I have to find Ben.”

”Callum! Don’t let anyone push you around. You’re precious. I’ll always be here.”

”Thanks mum.” Callum hugged his mum before walking out to find Ben.

*************************************  
”Ben!” “Callum..” “I’m sorry- I’m sorry. What?”

Ben and Callum both looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

”You first Ben.”

”I’m sorry for what I did and said to you yesterday. I was being stupid so stupid. I don’t even know why I did it.

I saw you on the floor cleaning my mess and it made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right. I don’t hate you for being nice. I wish you weren’t half the time.

Not in a bad way! I just hate the way people think that they can use you. I know you wouldn’t ever push people away. You know the day you choose me I promised myself that I would do what ever it took to make you feel like I deserved you. I don’t like the strain it’s putting on our relationship like when you come home and you look exhausted I just wanna make everything better. I’m so sorry Callum.”

”Ben... If I known this is how it made you feel. Look the reason I cleaned up was because when I was little and there was mess I would get beaten up and I know you’d never hurt me.

Look palliative care is physically and mentally draining. It’s the attachment you make with people then they leave I know it’s not their fault and that it’s life but it’s stupid. I know you try hard Ben. The meal yesterday proved that but when I came home and saw Lola’s message and the mess I knew that you were annoyed with yourself.

This..” Callum pointed to him and Ben.

”This is amazing. It’s the most safe and loved I’ve ever felt. I’ve never felt like this. I know you think people use me and maybe sometime they do but it’s in me to help people. It’s sounds stupid but when I help people and they praise me it makes me feel good. I know the strain is mainly from my job but... Look Ben I’m gonna ask you something be honest.”

”Do you not like me doing palliative care?”

”I don’t hate it! It makes you feel good. I don’t like what it’s doing to US. The way our Friday movie nights have turned into you waiting for people to call you. The way everyone judges us when they see us.

”Oh look Ben’s out and about while poor Callum is home exhausted and Ben’s not bothered. I don’t know Callum. Everything’s different now.”

”Good différent or bad différent?” Callum had a small smirk as he repeated Ben’s words to Callum from when he had been shot.

”I just want everything to go back to the way they were.” Ben admitted.

*************************************

”Ok. I’ll cut down on doing palliative care.”

”Callum...” “Hear me out. I’ll cut down on doing palliative care if you go through with wanting to be a youth worker.”

”No none of that. I know what you’re gonna say. That you can’t. You don’t deserve to but you do Ben. You help me I’ll help you ok? This is our relationship we take things at our pace.”

”Yeah.” “Yeah.” Callum confirmed.

”I love you.” “I love you to. I’ve got a surprise for you.” Ben took Callum leading him to their home.

Ben opened the door and took Callum’s coat hanging it up with his.

He stood in front of Callum hands over his eyes. 

”No peaking.” “Don’t you dare let me fall.” Callum warned as he let Ben lead him up the stairs.

*************************************  
Ben opened the front door and led Callum in.

He pulled out a chair and told Callum to sit down. Ben’s hands now being replaced with a blindfold.

”Right you can open them now.” “Erm the blindfold!” “Sorry!”

Ben removed the blindfold and Callum opened his eyes.

”Surprise... You don’t like it do you? I’ll change it?” Callum shut Ben up with a kiss.

”Ben..” The table was set up with Callum’s favourite meal. Candles and rose petals scattered all over it, the sound of The Script playing in the background.

”A do over from yesterday. I did it all while you were out. Is it ok?”

”It’s perfect and so are you. Thank you.”

”It’s nothing mum did most of it in fact she did all! I only got the wine.”

”That’s enough for me. Thank you for trying. Come and sit with me?”

”I am sitting with you!” “No you’re not sit WITH me.” Callum patted his knee and Ben wasted no time sitting there.

”Tuck in babe. Tuck in baby.” They both said at the same time.

The boys looked at each other before laugher filled the room, and they started eating.

*************************************  
Callum would still work with palliative care and he knew Ben would be there.

Ben would start his dream job as a Youth Worker with Callum by his side fighting with and for him.

*************************************  
  


As long as they had each other they had the world

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a second chapter to this. I’ve to many ideas to fit it into one fic.
> 
> Thank you for the support X  
> Comments and kudos always appreciated X


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